Divorce

This was our last week of class and I learned some pretty interesting information. Although my parents have never divorced I have had divorce effect me in a more indirect way. My grandparents on my mom's side divorced when she was about 10yrs old. Because of this experience and how she grew up it directly effected her own family as an adult. Some of the things that have effected our family due to my mothers childhood experience would be that she doesn't like to have family dinners. She also had a a lot of fears of getting married and although this was hard for her to overcome, she did and made sure that her children wouldn't suffer from those same fears. I know that divorce is never easy on a family and sometimes we can't avoid the effect it has on generations. I think it's important to acknowledge the past, but also to remember that you can change your future and be the writer of your own destiny.

Parenting

While learning about parenting and what its purpose is I learned that parents are responsible to protect and prepare their children to survive and thrive in the world they live. I began to think about my parents and how they fulfilled this role in my life, and I came to the conclusion that parents are not perfect and although they never do anything exactly right overall they completed their goal. I always felt protected and when I left home my parents made me believe that I could face whatever I don't want to make the same mistakes as either of our parents, but I also know that they did somethings that I do want to continue in my family. Learning about parenting styles I realized that they do tend to change over time and that is natural. As parents and children go through different stages of life it makes sense that how we think and react to things will change as well. Research has shown that authoritative parenting is the most effective. Authoritative parenting is when you give your children high autonomy,  but not without a clear set of boundaries and rules that are expected to be followed. This parenting style also requires a lot of healthy communication and explaining why you do things not just demanding they listen. I hope I will be able to do this and be a good mother and wife someday.

Finances

In class last week we talked a lot about how keeping a family budget and discussing money with the family makes a huge difference in the family's stress level and overall happiness. So many divorces occur because of the effects of finances.Learning to be happy and live within your means regardless of them being large or small brings greater safety and satisfaction in life and to the family. There is safety in knowing that when you spend money it will be there. Along with living within your means doing your best to stay out of debt and paying it off as soon as possible when you do. Things like education and buying a home are things that are okay to get in debt for but when making these large investments make sure you will be able to make the payments, don't bite off more than you can chew. This is so important as a couple to make these decisions together, but when children join the picture it is important to share with them the importance of saving money and spending wisely.

Power

In class we defined power as the ability to influence someones thought, feelings, or behavior. I like that power isn't about controlling others it's about the ability to influence them good or bad. It will surprise you how often you  can exercise power over others. Not only do we have power, but so does the media. This really stuck out to me because I never really understood how great the influence really was until I realized that the media is everywhere not just TV or magazines, it is literally surrounding you constantly. This is not necessarily a bad thing because you choose what you surround yourself with and if you choose to be around good and uplifting things that power can be a great resource in your life. I feel that this also goes with people the better people you hang out with the better you can be too.

Dealing with Family Stressors

We learned about a model last week called the  ABCX Model.
   A-Actual event
   B-Behavioral response
+ C-Cognitive response
   X  -eXperience
This is a process of how we can influence the out comes in our lives. Just because a trial or change of events takes place in our lives does not mean we have to end up a certain way. We can each consciously decide how we will respond and make the best out of a tough situation. I believe we are each given different trials and obstacles to over come in order to become the person we are supposed to be. I think that it's awesome that we have the power and control to turn the results into something positive or negative, and I hope we can all remember this power we have been given.

Intimacy

Contrary to natural belief the most important sex organ is actually the brain. I didn't realize this until we went over the different chemicals released during intercourse such as dopamine, serotonin, and oxycontin. There are also some significant differences for men and women, for example women need to feel safe in order to be sexual and in order for men to feel close and safe the opposite is true. Sex is most definitely not the most important thing in a marriage, but it is usually a good barometer for how the rest of the relationship is going. When it comes to teaching your children about intimacy it's important to not shut down the minuted they have a question. Also don't wait for someone else to teach your child, make a decision with your spouse and decide what you want your children to know and when. Remember to tell the truth and don't let embarrassment stop you. Teach your child, don't just focus on the physical, let them know that it is a sacred thing only between husband and wife.

Marriage and children

There are some who believe that as soon as a couple begins having children that marriage satisfaction will inevitably decrease and that's it, it can't be helped. However by no means does this have to be the case. If you stop nurturing your marriage relationship and only focus on the baby of course things wont be as good in your marriage! Knowing that a decrease in marital satisfaction is the natural thing to happen when a new person enters your family there are things that you can do to prevent that. Starting with the pregnancy keep the husband involved and informed, including doctor visits and movement in the womb. Make the birth experience one that is a personal time for the husband and wife and no one else. Share the different experiences that come with a new born. Take turns getting up at night when the baby cries and take turns with the various responsibilities, it will help you both feel involved and important in your child's life. Now that you both feel involved with your child take time for each other. Plan dates with each other and make a special effort to spend some quality time together.